Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize
