Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Tell her she can't have a vagina
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
