he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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