if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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