i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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