Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
