why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I wanna passion pit in your ass
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
