Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
