Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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