I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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