so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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