i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
