so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
