Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
