ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Randomize
