drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
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