I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
