come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Never underestimate the power of titties
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
