i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
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