Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
