I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
