So drunk, too bad you don't want this
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
