Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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