Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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