I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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