He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
