I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
