i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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