Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
