oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Randomize
