And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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