nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
