If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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