Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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