I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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