a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
