if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Randomize
