Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
