i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Even the bartender felt bad for me
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
How external is "for external use only"?
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Randomize
