She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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