Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
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