He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Randomize
