eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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