I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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