nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
