I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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