I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
my shit smells like andre
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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