Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
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