You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
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