I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
