i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
